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Roughly 7-8 years ago, my husband and I were in a rough patch in my marriage. We had come to a crossroad and were at a place where we were either going to fix it or move on. We decided to fix it but knew that in order to do so it would require some work.
Of course, the easiest place to start increasing your knowledge is through books.
I’ll share with you a few books that I found extremely helpful in helping us get through our rough patch.
One book we discovered was a book called, “The 5 Love Languages: The Secrets to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman. The book helps you understand the significance of finding your love language. If unknown, it introduces you to the five love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. This is where I first learned that I had a specific way that I needed to be loved and that was true for him too. This book is one that we swear by and recommend often to others.
The book is an easy read with real-life stories and shouldn’t take long to read. It’s biggest takeaway is that you’ll learn to express love in your honey’s language. To date we’ve re-evaluated our love languages and know that they can change depending on the season you’re in. We recommend you doing the same.
The second book that helped us during that time was “His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by William F. Harley, Jr”. Be sure to get the accompanying workbook for you and your spouse. We each had our own copies of each book. This book helped us discovered our needs and made it easier to know what to focus on for ourselves to prevent extramarital affairs or in the words of Jada Pinkett Smith “entanglements”. It was through reading this book that I realized the importance of sitting with my husband while he watched sports and showing interest and taking my own health seriously to stop “letting myself go”. One should always opt to prevent discord with your spouse when taking your relationship seriously.
Take this book and read as a couple. Use it for date night and have dinner and discussions. Being authentic about your desires will help you both get into the habit of communicating without judgement.
Lastly, “Too Good To Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum” is a book the helps you decide whether to stay or get out of your relationship. A lot of couples get to the same crossroads that my husband and I had gotten to when we were don’t know what to do. This book gets down to the root of your problems and helps you decipher through your answers if staying or going is better. Some things covered in this book include danger signs, sexual commitments, and commitment to name a few. The book becomes the best friend that offers you advice, except this time you won’t have to feel guilty because it has the expertise.
I know this book has jewels and can help you on your journey to a healthy relationship. It’s also a short read. I highly recommend this book in saving yourself and/or your relationship.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with admitting there’s a problem in your relationship. Nothing’s perfect as we all know. If you want it to work, do the work and if you don’t then move on. The reward is great and worth it if you choose to work through the struggles. My personal biased is that no one is meant to spend their time on Earth alone. I hope these books will you help you secure the spouse and keep them. Good luck! I’m rooting for you.
Any other books that have helped you in your relationships? Share them in the comments.
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